i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
