i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
