Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
