And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
