i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
