actually, I'm a sock model
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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