I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
