Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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