Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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