He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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