last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
