Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
