Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
