i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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