i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
