Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
