Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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