My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
