I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
