Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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