my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
