i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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