somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
