your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
