I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I stole a fireplace last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
