So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
