If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
