No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
