gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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