It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
