Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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