Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
