dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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