apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
