I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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