I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
