wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
