Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
