How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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