i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
