The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
