We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
