i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
