dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
