Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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