I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
