Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
