So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
