The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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