just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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